Lingerie
by OfficerKennedy
Summary: Silly little story! Chris needs to go shopping for Jill's birthday and drags Leon along. Leon ends up regretting it. A lot. Slash! Yaoi!


Notes:- Inspired by a journal entry from the lovely Zet Sway! I accept no responsibility for any trauma caused by the reading of this story…

Lingerie

Leon always looked forward to his days off. Life as a Government Agent meant that days off and holidays came only once in the blue moon. He couldn't remember the last time he had a full day doing exactly what he wanted to do. Which was why today was going to be perfect. His PDA was getting turned off, his favourite snacks were waiting in the cupboards and he wasn't answering his door. He was going to sit and watch movies, play some games and not think about anything to do with the country's safety or Ashley Damn Graham.

What he hadn't banked on however, was Chris' own plans for his day off.

Leon recognised the warning signs on his boyfriend's face as soon as he woke up. It was Chris' patented I'm-planning-something look.

"Oh what do you want"? He tried to roll over but Chris had him pinned to the bed by his wrists.

"I need your help" Chris replied with a grin. He was fresh out of the shower, his still wet hair dripping on Leon's chest and face. He smelt of soap and shampoo….

"That's my shampoo"! Leon said indignantly. He recognised the smell straight away, mint and tea tree! That stuff wasn't cheap. "That's an expensive shampoo you big oaf"!

"Just wanted to smell sexy for you honey-bunch" Chris replied, planting a kiss in the middle of Leon's forehead.

"I told you" Leon struggled in his partner's strong grip. "If you insist on calling me 'honey-bunch', I'll insist on never having sex with you again" He blinked when another drop of water hit his face. "Get the hell off me"!

"Alright, alright" Chris released Leon from his grasp but instead of moving, he settled instead for straddling Leon's stomach. "Calm yourself Agent Kennedy" He continued, his grin rapidly making Leon want to slap it right off. "So don't you want to know why I need your help"?

"Not particularly" Leon said. He was annoyed with Chris but that didn't stop him idly stroking the older man's thighs. "I was hoping that today was going to be a nice lazy day"

"There'll be plenty of time for that" Chris replied dismissively with a wave of his hand. "I need your help because it's Jill's birthday next week and I need to get her a present"

"Why"? Leon asked, feeling his good mood rapidly disappearing. It could be worse, he supposed, Chris wasn't the most annoying person to shop with. He generally decided what he wanted, went into the shop and bought it with no fuss whatsoever. Claire on the other hand…he could've written a full length novel with the time he'd spent waiting for her outside of the changing rooms. "You don't normally bother"

"Yeah but she bought me a really awesome hoodie for my birthday" Chris explained, tracing light circles on Leon's bare stomach, his face all ready to adopt his signature pouting expression that nearly always worked. "So I have to get her something really nice in return" He played with Leon's belly button. "Any ideas"?

"Well getting the hell off me would be job one" Leon complained. Chris sighed heavily, firing Leon a faux wounded look before getting up. Leon swung his legs over the side of the bed and very reluctantly sat up. He grabbed a t-shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head. "What about a nice bunch of flowers"? He suggested, getting off the bed and searching for his jeans in the wardrobe.

"I can't just buy her flowers" Chris whinged, pulling on a pair of combats and the aforementioned 'awesome' hoodie. He disappeared into the bathroom to dry his hair. Chris' hair didn't really look like much but he spent a surprising amount of time styling it. People always thought that out of the two of them, it was Leon who spent endless hours messing around with his hair and styling it to perfection, but no, it was Chris who owned the full range of styling products that cluttered their bathroom shelves. "So are you coming shopping with me or not"?

"Don't bother asking me Chris" Leon said acidly, pulling on his jeans and grabbing his black leather jacket. "You make it sound like I have a choice" Which, from the outside, it did look like that. Leon knew however, that if he said no and refused to go, Chris would turn on his whiney voice and look pathetic and Leon would feel rubbish and would agree to go anyway.

So much for his ideas of a lazy day off.

Chris drove them to the shopping mall and dragged Leon inside. Leon allowed himself to be dragged by the older man, hoping that, like some covert mission, they could be in and out within the hour and he would still at least have the afternoon in which to be lazy.

"Women like clothes right"? Chris asked as soon as they were inside. The mall was busy and thronging with people. Leon sighed. Did nobody work anymore?

"Usually" He replied.

"Hmm…" Chris seemed to be considering this. "Clothes it is then"!

"Great" Leon muttered sourly. Chris wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him close, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Leon let out a noise akin to a snarl.

"Cheer up Agent Honey-Bunch" Chris said happily. "How about I treat you to a burger in the food court as soon as we're done"?

Leon rolled his eyes at the mention of the banned nickname. There was no point in fighting it anymore. Once Chris settled on a nickname, it stuck. The prospect of a double cheeseburger did sound good though. It sounded even better if Chris was paying.

He followed Chris into the nearest clothes store and watched the older man as he rummaged through various racks, looking seriously unimpressed. Clothes shopping was something they both agreed on. Only do it when absolutely necessary.

"You should've asked Claire to come with you" Leon suggested. "She'd have been better at this than me"

"Ugh. No thanks" Chris shook his head as he sifted through some lingerie. "She takes hours and this is my day off. I actually want to spend it doing something I want to do" He grabbed a negligee in a deep maroon colour. "What about these"? He asked, holding them aloft.

"Don't know" Leon replied with a shrug. "Is it really the best idea to be buying Jill clothes? You don't know her size or anything" He was getting concerned. Chris kept looking at the negligee in his hands and back to him. It was almost as if…Leon felt the blood in his veins turn to ice. "No way Chris. No fucking way"! He started to back away.

"Come on"! Chris pleaded. "You're about the same height as Jill and probably just as thin" He looked at the negligee once more. "I'd try it on myself but-"

"No you wouldn't"! Leon spat accusingly. This definitely wasn't how he'd planned on spending his day off and there was no way he was going to try on that damn negligee.

"You said you'd help me…" Chris whined.

"I said I'd help you find a gift! Not cross dress"! Leon said indignantly. But Chris wasn't listening to him. He was already marching purposefully over to the changing rooms where an assistant was waiting. "Chris! What the hell do you think you're doing"?

"Hi there"! Chris grinned at the assistant and she smiled back, her cheeks going slightly pink as she took in Chris' epic muscles. Leon sighed. Chris had that effect on most people and, to his detriment, him. "My friend here would like to try this on" He added, holding up the stupid silky negligee.

"Oh"! The girl squeaked, her eyes widening as she looked at Leon. Her cheeks weren't the only ones that were going pink. His face felt like it was on fire! Leon made a mental note to kill Chris as soon as he was able.

"Oh don't worry" Chris said matter-of-factly. "He's a very open minded individual" He said by way of explanation.

The girl nodded wordlessly and before Leon knew it, he was being handed a plastic tag that read '1' and was being lead into the changing rooms by Chris. He could feel the assistant's eyes boring into his back as Chris pulled open one of the cubicle curtains. He shoved Leon in and closed the curtain. Leon looked down at the negligee that had been put into his hands. It was short and low-cut, made of a floppy silk material and edged with black lace. He could see how Jill would look amazing in something like this.

"Y'know, I think this will fit her" He called through the curtain.

"Let's find out" came Chris' reply. Leon cursed and started to strip. Chris was going to owe him big for this one. He climbed out of his jeans and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

"Fucking nightmare…" He growled to himself as he stepped into the negligee and pulled the straps over his shoulders. Shiny mirrors surrounded him. He wished that they weren't so damn clean. He could see himself, and the negligee, far to clearly for his liking.

"Hey sexy"! Chris' head appeared through a gap in the curtain. "Nice legs Agent Honey-Bunch"!

"Fuck you"! Leon said through gritted teeth. Chris opened the curtain a little more and appeared to be scrutinising Leon's appearance.

"Doesn't really go with your hair colour though does it"? He said teasingly. He started playing around with the straps and the hem then standing back and looking thoughtful. Leon stared at the ceiling to avoid the mirrors. This isn't happening…he told himself…this isn't happening. I'm having some kind of horrible fucking nightmare and I'm going to wake up any second…"Excuse me Miss"? Leon heard Chris' voice say. What the…oh god, oh fuck…no!

But it was too late. He heard the assistant's footsteps approach and Chris' head disappeared.

"I'm not really sure about it" Leon heard him saying. "Do you think you could have a look and tell me what you think"? He asked, the model of politeness.

"Oh well, I suppose…" He heard the girl's slightly nervous reply. Poor dear. He couldn't really blame her. Despite that, her head popped through the curtain, joined by Chris' again at the other side. If Leon's face had been on fire before, it was pretty much incinerated by now.

"What do you think"? Chris asked her.

"Well" The assistant looked at him levelly. "He might want to consider shaving his legs…" She said after a horrible, uncomfortable silence. "But it's…it's a lovely colour…looks good with pale skin"

"I thought so" Chris said brightly. "Thanks for your help"!

"Not a problem sir" The assistant replied. "Just come to the till when you're ready" She added hurriedly before her head disappeared and Leon could hear her footsteps making a rapid retreat.

"You are dead Christopher Redfield" Leon said threateningly. "I'm in the Secret Service you know, I could have you killed! No-one would ask any questions…"

"You'd miss me too much Agent HB" Chris replied with a cheesy grin. He turned his attentions back to the negligee. "Y'know…you look pretty sexy in that…"

"No"! Leon snarled. "No fucking way! You keep those wandering hands to yourself"! He added firmly. "Now can we stop this madness and let me get changed"?

"Hang on a second…" Chris nodded and in a second, had whipped his mobile phone out. Leon flinched when he heard the familiar clicking noise that told him Chris had just taken a photo. "Now you can get changed." He said, putting the phone back in his pocket.

"You're deleting that the minute I get out of this fucking thing" Leon warned.

"Am I though"? Chris asked in his favourite infuriating tone. Leon glared at him and turned his back. He pulled the negligee off and thrust it into his boyfriend's waiting hands before hauling his jeans and t-shirt back on. After the embarrassing feel of the negligee's material against his skin, his simple jeans and t-shirt felt like heaven.

By the time he came out of the changing rooms, Chris was there waiting, a paper bag in his hands indicating that he'd bought the damn thing. As they were leaving, Leon saw the assistant give him a friendly, if slightly embarrassed nod.

"C'mon! it's burger time"! Chris said cheerfully.

"As if a double cheeseburger is ever going to make up for this" Leon replied grumpily. He still wasn't over the feelings of mortification and was beginning to wonder if murder was always such a terrible crime.

"No need to be like that" Chris handed him the paper bag. "Maybe this might start to make up for it"?

Leon looked in the bag, as well as the Frightful Nightmare In Silk, was a black velvet blindfold and his favourite flavoured lube. He looked up at Chris who grinned at him suggestively.

It always was hard to stay mad at him.

THE END.

A/N :- Currently accepting any ideas/requests from people for stories! PM me or let me know in a review.


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